The Sum of My Parts

...and, doing battle with Impostor Syndrome

Let me get the Impostor Syndrome part out of the way right up front. Last week I saw a call for submissions for a local art exhibition that would be PERFECT for my jewelry. I think — I believe — I want to believe — that my work would be a perfect fit for this particular art space and their vision. It’s a space I’ve been in love with for over 15 years. Shortly after I discovered it, my husband and I had our wedding there. I have taken a workshop with the artist - he is a local icon and learning his technique has informed and inspired my own designs. He is a mosaicist, and my jewelry incorporates found objects and bits and pieces and repurposed scraps into little micro-mosaics.

I learned tiling and mosaic work before I learned silversmithing, and there is something about fitting interesting individual components together to form a cohesive whole, that draws me in. I can lost for hours in the intricacies.

One might say my work is … more than the sum of its parts. More on that in a minute.

I love this place

So, this awesome art space/gallery is having an exhibition that will feature local artists - of which I am one! All I have to do is submit the application! Bio, artist statement, photos of my work … no problem, right? The Artist Statement on my website is out of date and needs to be rewritten anyway; what a great opportunity! OK, then why have I been completely paralyzed like the proverbial deer in the headlights for almost a week? I get overwhelmed and walk away from my laptop every time I even think about it. (It took me 3 days to finish this paragraph!!)

Ah yes, there’s that monster, Impostor Syndrome, rearing its ugly head again, hissing in my ear, “you’re an amateur, a hobbyist.”

And, “your little trinkets are not good enough to be in a flea market, let alone an actual gallery exhibition.”

And, “craft jewelry is not real art.”

And, “you’re a psychologist, you didn’t go to art school, you can’t even call yourself an artist, how can you presume to show your work in public?”

Do you recognize this inner voice? We have all heard it. As a former psychotherapist/current human services professional, I am certainly aware of where it comes from. Let me tell you a story about that.

In my work and in my own therapy, I am learning about Internal Family Systems (IFS). It is what the name implies: we all have roles in our families of origin, and we also have different parts of ourselves (internal) that take on different roles depending on the situation. Some of those parts came into being when we were small children, to protect us or help us cope, and their strategies are maybe not so effective now. For example, my Inner Critic/Impostor Syndrome Monster Part who tells me I’m not good enough all day long, is protecting me from the inevitable rejection that I would experience if I put my heart and soul on display (you know, like by showing my art). So, in its own way, the Inner Critic is a Protector. This is a vast oversimplification. I’m fascinated with becoming aware of my parts, listening to their voices and their interactions. Hearing the child fears and the adolescent angst and rage. And then coming back to my Self and being aware of my wholeness, which contains multitudes.

Greater than the sum of my parts, indeed.

It’s all about the relationship of the parts to the whole. All of the parts are important; but their interconnectedness produces a rich, complex and meaningful picture when viewed all together from a different perspective. Individual pieces that were discarded and might otherwise be ignored, become integral to a new vision.

And now I’m back to describing my jewelry designs. I call them my “Scrappy” collection: little wearable mosaics.

My "Scrappy" Collection - Micro-Mosaic Jewelry

My art, in the making, is an opportunity to connect with my parts and my whole and healthy Self. Each piece is an expression of my experience: seeing beauty in the oddities; putting things together so they make sense; the joy of creation.

Can you see the connection? It feels very powerful to me. Now, I need to put these ideas into an ARTIST STATEMENT and that seems so big and intimidating. High-stakes. (My Inner Critic says I’m overreaching.)

So I have this crazy idea. If I’m going to face down that ugly monster Imposter Syndrome, maybe I need some support, encouragement, and suggestions from my community. If you can relate to this, I’d love to see your feedback in the comments, and maybe it will start a conversation. Feel free to send me links to other artists whose work or profiles you like. And over the next week or so I will share a draft or at least a paragraph or two of that big scary Artist Statement. Putting it out here is my first step.

Thank you for supporting me.

See you soon.